I wasn't picky. I only wanted this:
1) One of my favorite radio shows is 'Suspense' and one of my favorite episodes from that is when a man who is cataleptic almost gets autopsied. I think that could lead somewhere.
2) Being buried alive is my worst fear.
3) You could end with the word: insanity
4) Because one of my favorite actors is Bogart, you could have a character named Humphrey.
And look at the brilliance he came up with...
“Humphrey”
by C. N. Nevets© 2010
“Humphrey. Humphrey.” All I could do was mumble my own name to reassure myself that I was still alive.
I couldn’t see myself within the blackness of the heavy bag that wreaked of death.
I couldn’t any move of the muscles of my body. They’d drugged me. Must have.
Drugged me before stuffing me into a body bag. Drugged me with something that had knocked me out. Drugged me with something that had left me essentially paralyzed.
The bag was tight and close. I could feel my own breath reflected back on my face. When I mumbled, “Humphrey,” the sound came back hollow but near.
There was a slick ooze spreading across my back, which was pressed naked against the bag.
Something soft and spongy tickled the soles of my feet.
But I could not move to escape. I could not rip at the bag. I could not pry at the zipper whose cold metal underside lay atop my face, and down my nose.
“Humphrey.” It was becoming more of a dry whisper. I could hardly hear it, but it still reassured me to say it. It was if I were asserting that I was a person, not a dead body.
Perhaps assuring myself as much as the world.
For I realized I could no longer tell if my eyes were open or closed. I couldn’t feel my heart beating in my chest. Could barely feel my breath, reflecting back on my face.
I began to feel light-head, as if I were dropping from a considerable height, but my other senses told me that I was not moving.
How I longed to claw at the top of the bag that lay on me like an iron shroud.
To kick at the foot of the sack that bound me up on another man’s path to the grave.
No words. No Humphrey. Not enough breath. Just enough – just enough breath to live.
If only I could die.
Or at least escape into insanity.
I'm so glad you liked the story, Clarissa! Thanks for sharing it. I'll be sure to link over here from my blog.
ReplyDeletep.s. Don't forget to e-mail me your address so I can get you the mug! :)
those who paralyzed him must have read your forensic posts, Clarissa :PPPp
ReplyDeleteGotta love that first line its really catchy
ReplyDeletehang in there Humphrey! Clarissa's got the antidote
Chilling. That's the kind of horror that gives me nightmares.
ReplyDeleteWow, this one is sinister!
ReplyDeleteew! What a fun story--and a fun site, too! Thanks, C~ :o) <3
ReplyDeleteOh Humphrey!! Oh no!!! How on earth did you get into such a situation - you poor man!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Clarissa!! What a fantastic win!! And YAY!! to CN Nevets for creating an awesomely scary story with a heart - I feel so sorry for poor Humphrey!! Oh dear!
take care
x
Clarissa - Ooooh, what a spine-tingling story! Totally and completely creepy! That really is brilliant! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI love the story. Chilling but great. CN Nevis does have a great site.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, Clarissa, being buried alive, eeww! I've heard of stories of people being operated on and the anesthetic didn't work and they were surprisingly able to tell the doctor everything afterwards. Wonder they didn't die of a heart attack!
Thanks so much for your kind words, everyone.
ReplyDelete@Dezmond - They couldn't have. Clarissa specifically warns people not to use her posts for evil. ;)
@Joanna - Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
@Carol - I'm glad you were chilled.
@Dorte - Oo, I like being sinister!
@Leigh - Ew is right. Claustrophobic *plus* gross stuff in the body bag with him. Ew.
@Kitty - Thank you so much. I take it as a great compliment when a reader can identify with the protagonist.
@Margot - Sounds like I hit the mark! Thanks!
@L'Aussie - Yeah, I've heard stories like that, too. And the more I've learned about anesthesia, the less I wish I'd learned about anesthesia. lol
C. N. Nevets, I'm glad you're okay with me posting it and I sent you an email.
ReplyDeleteDEZMOND, actually, what's really neat is that Nevets is an expert in forensic science.
L'Aussie, I know. It's my worst nightmare.
Thanks, everyone for your great comments.
CD
Scary and well written.
ReplyDeleteNancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author
Dark and a little chilling. I rather enjoyed that.
ReplyDeleteWow, that leaves you breathless.
ReplyDeleteMason
Thoughts in Progress
Incredibly good. Chilling! As a child, I remember some comic books where the "characters" were buried alive. I can still vaguely see them in my mind. True horror! Which I don't much like any more in comic books; but something written this well draws me in.
ReplyDeleteI'm also here to night because I want to let you know where I am. No one right now can find me unless I do this because a glitch on my blog forced me to delete it and start a new one. Didn't lose anything except followers! Which is just as well, since most so-called followers only check in once and never return. So now I'm going through the printout I made of my “followers” and re-signing up with the ones I want to keep following/the ones I hope will keep following me. My signature link here goes to my new blog that’s almost the same name and looks the same.
Ann
p.s. So that icon of my blog you so graciously put up here won't work until you put in this new blog address: http://annbest-jen.blogspot.com. And the new title is now: A Long Journey Home.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! And I'm always wishing you the best with your upcoming edits!!
This was CREEPY! My kind of story. Gotta go check the site. Thanks to you both.
ReplyDelete@Nancy - Thanks so much for the double compliment.
ReplyDelete@Kris - Dark and chilling is my thing. :) I'm not usually comfortably recommending my own writing, but I think much of my writing would click with you.
@Mason - Thank you so much. I think breathless is a new one for me. I appreciate your saying so!
@Ann - I'm incredibly claustrophobic so the whole idea gives me the willies. I get squirmy at the thought.
@Mary - Creepy in all caps? Thanks! Glad you found it so!
Thanks again, everyone, for your kind words about my story. I love knowing that readers connected with something in my writing. Your letting me know that it did completes the story-telling circle, and that means the world to me.
That was really good! Perfect for the current season also! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThat's excellent, Clarissa! Congratulations on winning, too.
ReplyDeleteGreat read. Don't think I'll trust anyone named Humphrey again, though :D
ReplyDeleteJules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Being buried alive is one of my worst fears too. I think of Kill Bill II. You can hear the sound of dirt being scooped onto the coffin, each one slightly more muffled as more sand is added. That would be maddening.
ReplyDeleteWhoa...! That's some good stuff there! Thanks for sharing it with us!
ReplyDelete@Pat - Yeah, it was originally to be a Halloween ghost story, but Clarissa's not into ghosts and I got it done late in the day on Halloween itself. but I think it worked out! :)
ReplyDelete@Alex - I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
@Jules - haha Thanks! That's great!
@Stephen - Yeah, I've freaked out at the bottom of several grave shafts in my time. All it takes is a little dirt to fall and the pulse rate races!
@Talli - Thanks for woahing! :)
Being buried alive...chills.
ReplyDeleteLove the use of Hummphrey.
That's an excellent story!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Clarissa! :)
That's just plain creepy. Well done!
ReplyDelete@MP - Chills are good. Thanks, Captain!
ReplyDelete@G'Eagle - I'm glad you liked it! :)
@Patricia - "Just plain creepy" is a high compliment where I come from. Thanks so much!
Wow! What a story!
ReplyDelete