Jackie and Bill - The Original Story
by Clarissa Draper
Jackie and Bill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jackie feel down and broke her crown
and Bill came tumbling after.
Ah, it's so nice to have the story done! It took me forever to write it and now I want to publish it. Will it sell? Will I make millions? Should I turn it into a screenplay?
Hold on! It's nice that you want to be the next JK Rowlings but you should get it edited/critiqued. You should get some feedback.
All right, Clarissa, I'll sign up for your extremely awesome and free CP/BR option, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Teach me something!
How to RECEIVE a critique:
DO NOT ask questions such as:
- Did you like the story?
- What did you think of the story?
These questions are too vague.
DO ask questions such as:
- Is the story (at 25 words) too long?
- Does it drag in certain places or should I have prolonged the fall of Jackie?
- Does Bill falling down behind Jackie sound plausible?
- Do you like the chemistry between Jackie and Bill?
Be specific. Know what you're looking for.
How to GIVE a critique:
DO NOT say things such as:
- I liked the story it was nice.
- You are a good writer.
- You are a horrible writer.
- You shouldn't bother publishing this rubbish.
These words are mean and vague
DO say things such as:
- First of all, these are things I enjoyed about the story...
- I like the use of the verb FETCH however, I don't understand the word CROWN. Perhaps you could use another noun like skull?
- I like the characters Jackie and Bill, however, I wish you added a bit more description. How old are they? Are they related?
- Why are Jackie and Bill fetching water? Why don't they use the tap in their kitchen?
- You kinda left me hanging. What happened to Jackie? Is she all right? I wish the conclusion was stronger.
- What is your target audience?
- You spelled fell as feel...
Easy as pie. Well, eating pie. Making pie is extremely hard to do...or maybe it isn't, I've never made pie. Anyway, I hope this example helped you out. If not, take a look at these links from other more talented websites:
- EHOW: How to give a critique.
- How to Critique a Manuscript
- How to Critique and Be Critiqued by Rick Walton